Hi all, Dorothy here. 🙂
Recently I celebrated my ten-year anniversary of leaving the US to live abroad. That’s so crazy to me. I was such a different person back then. Like look at this picture from the airport! I was so young and innocent. I hated the camera, and I can see in my face the anxiety, nervousness, and excitement.
I had just graduated from college a bit more than a month before. I made a whole list of things I wanted to do before I left for the Peace Corps. I had a packing list too. That month was so busy. I met up with all my friends, spent time with family, I went hiking, I slowly got together everything I would need for the Philippines. I told my friends; I’ll see you in about two and a half years!
…and then I never moved back!
I know for a fact that past Dorothy would be so happy to know that I am where I am now. That I got to experience so much this past decade. So much more than I ever could have imagined. I’ve lived on four continents (6 countries). I’ve learned (badly) a bunch of new languages! I’ve experiences different foods and cultures. I’ve made so many friends all over the world. I am so lucky to be where I am today.
Of course, there have been many challenges. I cried the hardest I’ve ever cried in my life when one of my close friends suddenly died in the US and I was half a world away, with no way to get closure. I was basically cheated out of what I should have gotten from selling my school in Japan, leaving me without the funds I thought I was going to have to pay for my masters. I was scammed and robbed in Spain. Lost all my research data in the Philippines. I have been an absolute mess at times. I have always been the type of person to think “it’s not okay, right now. But eventually it will be okay.” But I recognize that the reason I can do these things and say these things is because I have had such a strong support system. When I couldn’t make it to the funeral, my mom and my brother went for me. When I didn’t know how I would pay for my masters anymore, my family came through for me. When Hugo and I were robbed in Spain, our friends were there for us. I have never been alone.
I have learned so much and I truly believe I have become a better person these past ten years. Here are some life lessons I bring with me, I hope you can take something from them too.
- Things will not always be bad.
This is the same thing I said above when talking about some of the low points I experienced. To be honest, I started thinking this way when I was younger and having stomach aches at like 3am. I would be in so much pain, but I would keep thinking to myself “I’m not always going to be in pain. I’m going to go back to sleep. Tomorrow this will be just a bad dream. A week from now, I won’t even remember it.” Then I just took that and apply it in all other aspects of my life. Yes, this sucks right now, but zoom out to the rest of the year and it doesn’t matter. It’s not as big as it seems at the moment.
- Panicking does nothing for you.
This really solidified for me when I was traveling in Taiwan in 2017. I had planned to go to Green Island (绿岛) for some scuba diving, booked a hotel and everything. I arrived in a nearby city and needed to take a bus to get to the ferry. I caught the bus late (was a bit confused on which was the right one) and missed the last ferry for the day by like fifteen minutes. Well, that’s a bummer. The place the ferry was located was somewhat rural, but I found the bus stop going back to the train station and just hung out for a bit. Well, a bit turned into ten minutes, then thirty minutes. I ended up asking a passerby if they knew anything about the bus, but the answer was something like “there might be a bus, there might not be a bus” big shrug, who knows. So here are my thoughts: I am possibly stranded 😀 But possibly not! If I panic in this moment, I will just make it worse. So let’s problem solve and think about what I can do. For now, I will wait for the bus, it’s still light out (I think it was like 3pm), so I will give it an hour. If a bus doesn’t come in an hour I will try to hitchhike and get a ride back to the train station. That’s when I pulled out my ukelele and started doing the very hipster thing of playing music on the side of the road. Mostly to calm myself down and also to have something to do while I waited. The bus ended up coming, I took the train to the next city down. Went to the night market for delicious street foods for dinner. Found a hotel that had free Wi-Fi. Stood outside and booked a hostel at like 10pm at this point. Immediately went to said hostel to check in and sleep. It was a very busy and unplanned day. One thing at a time though, I made it. I had to cancel my reservations I had made on Green Island and the rest of the trip I just decided in the moment. I ended up hitchhiking a lot, met great people, and I have some of the most interesting travel stories from that trip. (Ask me about the couchsurfer who told me to baseball yeet my poop down the mountain in a taro leaf).
Like I said in a previous blog post eight years ago; Sometimes you get stuck at a bus station at 2 in the morning for two hours, the waiting area is locked, and outside is cold and windy. And sometimes you arrive in a city and don’t have a place to stay yet. Don’t panic, evaluate the situation, find a solution. Be adaptable, be, be, adaptable
- It’s okay to be selfish (sometimes).
It really is. You can be selfish to be comfortable. You should especially be selfish when it is for your own safety. This might be controversial, particularly the part where I think it’s ok to be selfish to be comfortable (as long as you aren’t hurting anyone, which is the most important part). In Japan, it is frowned upon to eat in public spaces. Sorry Japan, but if I was hungry and I didn’t have time to sit down somewhere respectable to eat, I was 100% going to eat whatever I just bought at the conbini while standing, or squatting, on the street. If I am on an 8+ hour night bus, I will curl up on two seats in the row to sleep (as long as the other seat is not taken/needed). I get in weird positions on long flights. Do other people feel weird about it, probably. Do I care, no. I’m not encroaching on their space; I am in my space and not hurting anyone. Likewise, if someone is encroaching on your space. Force your way back to the center line!! Pushh!!!
You can hurt people and be selfish when it is for your own safety. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, your safety, your needs. Why yes, I have intentionally stomped very hard on the foots of men who grind up against me and I don’t like it. Speak up for yourself, “that’s not ok, stop that, I don’t like that.” In American culture, there is a sense of individualism, and caring for your own needs, above the needs of strangers. The needs of your loved ones is somewhere between those. In Asian culture, there is no individualism, only community and family. You care about how your actions affect others. That’s why masking was so much more common in Asian countries. Asian culture finds importance in masking to protect others, while Americans would argue “but masks don’t do anything to protect you!” The point isn’t that masks protect you, yourself. It is that masks help to protect the community. I believe there is a good middle ground that all stems from “do my actions actually harm people”. If the answer is no, then I will be individualistic and selfish. Just saying something is “rude” is very subjective and depends on a person’s value and the cultural norms 🙂 You can say “oh you should respect __ culture” and I agree, to an extent. But I guarantee you, wherever you are, there are middle aged and elderly men in that country breaking the same rules, but they don’t get any criticism for it. Sometimes cultural “rules” are stupid. Who says I can’t squeeze myself onto the floor of the plane and put my head on my chair instead and why not?
- *most* People are “Good”!
Anyone who knows me knows I like to argue with people. I have strong values and I will not budge on them. When you travel, you meet lots of people, and they’re all (including me) going to put on a mask. Most of these masks say, “I am a good person and I hope you like me!” Sometimes they say, “I want to be left alone right now.” But in the end, I believe it is human to want others to think the best of you, and that’s why I say most people are “good,” at least on the surface level, and that’s all you need for short interactions, really. So, you might meet the most racist, sexist, hateful, conservative people who are probably going to be incredibly nice to your face but hate _____ people and spew hatred online. This is especially true for the US. I find it so tiring to interact with people when I go back to the US because they’re all wearing that “I’m a good person, like me!” mask and my goodness does it take so much energy to put on a similar mask and keep the same energy and false niceties. Outside of the US, the mask is there but it’s not as intense/fake. If you need help somewhere, I really believe the people around you will help. I also believe that most people are not doing bad things. The news reports on a lot of bad things to scare you, but most of the time, you’re not going to run into true bad guys. Just follow your instincts and common sense when traveling. Don’t walk around in low populated, dim lit streets at night by yourself. Keep your stuff stored in places that are not easy to steal. Don’t trust men you don’t know.
- The earth is so beautiful and we need to take care of it.
That’s about all I have to say there, I think. Pick up trash if you see it, think about where your trash goes and what chemicals go down your drain. Tell mother earth you love her and treat her well!!
- Traveling is a privilege. You can travel on a budget but it requires sacrifice.
Traveling is a privilege. You need to have a passport (ID documents), money, and time. Not everyone has access to get a passport, and not all passports are created equal. Where you are born determines how freely you are able to travel. Lucky me, I hold a pretty powerful passport. I rarely have to apply for tourist visas. Time. Most of us have to work to survive and many of us are not granted vacations and free time. And of course, travel costs money. Transportation, food, accommodations, and fun activities. Of course, there are so many ways to travel cheaply. I wrote about it here (2018). You can also find jobs abroad. I wrote about that here (2014). I used to think “oh anyone can do it; they just don’t know how.” But I know better now. It’s hard. It’s so hard to apply for visa and fight immigration officers. It’s so hard to find flights that are affordable and also in the dates when you are free. It’s hard to travel cheap when you’re older and you don’t want to sleep in the airport.
- Enjoy every day. You will miss it and feel nostalgic for it.
It’s so crazy that when I’m about to leave a country- I am so ready to leave. I’ve adapted, I’ve learned, I am comfortable. You can only really know a place by living in a place. You might love a place while you’re there on vacation and see all the positives that country has to offer, but it takes a few years to really see the negatives. Eventually, the negatives might start to outweigh the positives. By the time I get to that point, I’m ready to move on. But it’s only later after I’ve gone that I truly miss a place and think only of the positives. I can still be critical of the country and its flaws, but they really don’t seem as serious when you’re not in the thick of it. I miss the Philippines. I miss Japan. I miss Spain. I miss different aspects of each one and I’m nostalgic for them in different ways. I miss the simple, slow life in the Philippines. I miss the fruits and the beaches and the kind people who always laugh and enjoy the little things. I miss Japan and its public transportation, the food, the atmosphere, and the cleanliness. I miss the school life in Spain, the walkability of the city, and the diversity of my immigrant neighborhood. The US??? I don’t miss the US, lol. I’m only nostalgic for my rural house, the fireflies in the summer, our fruit trees, and wild berries.
I think that’s it for now, if I think of anything else in the future I’ll add it. Love you all.